


if my heart was a compass

by jinxfabray



Category: Clean Bandit (Band), Years & Years (Band)
Genre: M/M, the fluffiest fluff you will ever read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 14:33:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5543483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxfabray/pseuds/jinxfabray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"there’s a knock on the door, and olly jumps from the couch he’s been having his pity party on as if someone had electrocuted him because this is it. this is neil. it has to be, he must have been planning this all along and maybe something happened and the planes were delayed but neil’s realized what he was meant to do all along and he’s come to tell him he’s ready to start again."</p>
            </blockquote>





	if my heart was a compass

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thiscompasswillguideyouhome](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiscompasswillguideyouhome/gifts).



> title from if my heart was a house by owl city  
> DEAR KLARA i hope u will enjoy this little silly drabble and i wish you the absolute best for this upcoming year <3

he’s being absolutely ridiculous, he knows that, but he can’t help it. it’s nice being home for christmas, he’s missed his mum and joe, and it’s nice to have a bit of a break after such an insane year, but his heart is still heavy and he can’t stop waiting for something to happen, even though he knows it won’t.

last year he was also home for christmas, and it was also just the three of them because they’d decided it was too soon to be spending the holidays together. they could just do it next year, and then the year after that - they had their entire future ahead of them, there was no need to rush things.

except now there’s no such thing as /their/ future anymore, and despite what everyone says about space being the best thing they could be giving each other at the moment, olly thinks he wouldn’t have minded having reminders of neil all over this house, just like he does at his own place. he can’t say that to anyone because they would just give him that look of absolute pity he’s been getting so much lately whenever he expresses any neil related feeling, and he’s had enough of it. he’s had enough of people staring at him like he’s being silly for clinging when neil must be moving on, for being the one who can’t move on even after he promised everyone it had been a mutual decision.

he checks his phone once again and his mum gives him a look that tells him she’s thinking about taking it away again so he won’t start tweeting sad things or texting him and then staring at the phone for hours waiting for him to reply, so instead he unlocks it and texts emre something silly, just so he has a reason to keep staring at the screen, waiting.

he’s not gonna call, he knows that. even if it’s christmas, they agreed they would give each other space, and even if they have both broken that promise a couple of times already, it’s never been directly. they’ve stuck to vague indirects over twitter, but they haven’t texted each other or anything, and just because it’s christmas it doesn’t mean they can cross that invisible line, no matter how badly olly wants to.

he /knows/ he’s not gonna call, but somehow, that doesn’t stop him from waiting for him to do it, not until it’s ten pm on christmas day and he decides maybe it’s time to stop staring at his phone. he turns it off, and his mum gives him a comforting pat on the back before she goes off to bed.

he hopes he’s doing alright. it was the whole point of breaking up, for neil to find himself again, to remember who he was before he turned into neil from clean bandit and his entire life was reduced to being asked about olly over and over again. olly understands - it was hard on both of them, trying to make this work despite the distance, but it was worse on neil because at least olly stayed olly throughout it all, and he could adjust even though it’s all happening at the speed of light. neil was caught off guard by most of it, and adjusting was too much of a struggle.

but maybe olly found it easy to accept and to deal with because in his heart, he expected neil to work it all out quickly and find his way back to him as fast as he could. now it’s been weeks, and neil doesn’t seem to be hurrying towards him, and. well. maybe it was always meant to end this way, maybe now that neil’s found himself he’s realized he doesn’t want to go back to dealing with everything that comes with dating olly - maybe he’s realized it isn’t worth all the effort, it is just olly after all.

there’s a knock on the door, and olly jumps from the couch he’s been having his pity party on as if someone had electrocuted him because this is it. this is neil. it has to be, he must have been planning this all along and maybe something happened and the planes were delayed but neil’s realized what he was meant to do all along and he’s come to tell him he’s ready to start again. he runs to the door and opens it and then stands there for the longest second, staring out into the nothingness. 

there’s no one out there. it was probably some bored kids, or maybe it was just the wind, but whatever it was - it certainly wasn’t neil.

he’s turning around to go back inside where he can continue wallowing in his own misery and thinking carefully about how pathetic he’s being when he sees the box. it’s a huge box, and even if he knows this is probably his brain being ridiculous again, for a second he wonders if maybe neil is /in/ the box. 

he goes to lift it expecting it to be terribly heavy, but then he can pick it up with just one hand and well. there goes his last hope. neil is also definitely not in the box. 

it doesn’t even have a name or address on it, it’s just a plain cardboard box, and olly thinks maybe he shouldn’t open it but curiosity gets the best of him and he eventually gives in. inside there’s yet another box, but this one is carefully wrapped and it has his name written on it, and suddenly olly’s excited about it.

he doesn’t start getting irritated until he’s opened two more boxes only to find smaller ones inside and it’s starting to look a lot like this is just an elaborate prank and maybe he should stop expecting neil to jump out of the box because the box he’s opening right now is too small to fit even the tiniest guinea pig, so it’s definitely too small for a neil.

it’s a super tiny box, and it looks like a jewelry box, but olly doesn’t actually expect it to be jewelry - at this point, he’s quite sure there won’t be anything inside it, but he’s already opened all the other six boxes so he figures he might as well check.

there’s a ring, a thin, gorgeous gold band, and he’s pulling it out to examine it when he hears someone cough conspicuosly behind him.

“there were, uhm, there’s things on the wrapping papers in the other boxes that you were supposed to read but you didn’t notice them i guess,” neil says, standing against the door frame, somehow more handsome than olly remembered, even though it’s only been a few weeks since they last saw each other.

“so you didn’t just want to watch me go through seven boxes for fun?” olly asks, aiming to sound casual and not at all like his heart is trying to beat its way out of his ribcage. he’s probably dreaming this up, because neil actually came and for some reason he’s giving him a ring, and nothing about this makes any sense at all.

“i wanted to say merry christmas,” neil says, slowly walking up to him, and olly really wants to reach out and touch him to make sure he’s real but he can’t trust his hand not to shake. “and that i have been using this time to do a lot of thinking, like i said i would.”

“okay, that’s good,” olly nods, looking up at him from the floor, and he can’t even make himself get to his feet because he’s scared if he moves he’ll wake up and it will all vanish. “did you come to any conclusions?”

“not really,” neil says. olly’s heart sinks in his chest straight away, and suddenly it’s a lot easier to believe this is real life, even if it still doesn’t make sense. “it’s hard to think and figure stuff out when you’re not around to help me with it. it’s hard to do most things when i can’t even text you to tell you about it. i don’t want to be without you anymore - everything else i’m still figuring out, but this i don’t have to think about.”

the ring is practically burning a hole in olly’s hand by now, and he thinks he knows what it means but he needs to hear it.

“so you don’t want to be broken up anymore?”

“i never want to be broken up again,” neil says, getting down on his knees so he can reach out for olly’s hand and grab the ring. “and i know - i know this is sudden and it doesn’t mean marriage because that’s not our style at all, but. it means i want you and me for as long as you’ll have me.”

“what if that’s forever?” olly asks, covering neil’s hand with his and squeezing it. 

“then forever it is,” neil smiles, and when he finally leans in to kiss him, he stops for the tiniest fraction of a second before doing it, just long enough to whisper against his lips, “forever’s what i was hoping for.”


End file.
